My sister, who is currently working on her fifth child,
likes to tell people about my seven and then call me to talk about their
reactions. Responses vary from incredulous to condemning. This article is for
the curious. Those who call me “irresponsible” won’t hear or consider my
reasons. They will scream about carbon footprints and I will counter with curiosity
about who they think is going to fund their social security payments, but
neither of us will be convinced nor uplifted. This article is not for them. It
is, perhaps, most for those who knew me when I was younger and wonder how the
girl slated by her high school class to “conquer a small nation,” instead decided
to create one.
Why do I have a billion children?
Because of what I
believe.
I was surprised, when I became an adult, to realize that the
doctrine of the preexistence was not common to all Christian faiths. I believe
it is one of the fundamental reasons so many Mormons decide to have large
families. We believe that we are eternal beings. We existed before we were
spiritually created by our Father in Heaven. We existed with him as spiritual
beings before we were physically created by our Earthly parents. In heaven, we
made the choice to come to Earth as the next step in our eternal progression.
We are here for a variety of reasons, all having to do with God’s plan for our
salvation. When we have a child, his/her spirit is not created in order to fill
a physical body. We believe it is the opposite.
How does this result in a greater desire for children? Imagine
your father, who you love and revere, came to you and said, “There is a child,
a member of our family. He needs a home. After considering many other options,
I want you to raise him. I will make sure you have what you need financially,
emotionally and physically if you are willing.” Would you say no? This is a
very real parallel to our perspective on the decision to have children. When I
feel the stirring in my heart that begins the consideration of whether or not to
have another child, I am much less concerned with questions of practicality. I
am more concerned with discovering whether or not that feeling is from God.
Does that mean that we all have to have a billion children?
Of course not. Our father is loving, nurturing and all knowing. He does not
give to his children equally, but each according to their individual needs. The
choice to have one, two or ten babies has to be between a husband, wife, and
God. But my belief in parenthood as a divine calling is fundamental to my
decision to have a large family.
Because of my love
for my husband.
Before you ask, Yes. I have heard of birth control and, No.
I am not talking about that kind of love. As a young woman, I heard about being
“baby hungry” and thought it meant that babies are little and cute and you
wanted one. I saw it as akin to wanting a kitten. I was wrong.
After I married my
husband, I discovered that my initial desire for children had nothing to do
with the children themselves. I wanted a child as a natural expression of my
powerful love for my husband. This is hard to describe in words. I loved him. I
loved being a family with him. I wanted to be a parent with him. I wish I could
explain it better. Certainly, I fall in
love with him again as I watch him being a father. Each new child only
compounds that love.
Because I believe it’s
best for my children.
A few years ago, I was having breakfast with a friend and
her two children. Before presenting her nine-year-old with a waffle, she
carefully cut it into bite sized pieces. One of my kids noticed and said, “Mom,
cut my waffle.” I laughed and laughed and laughed.
I believe that every child is given to the parent that needs
them and vice versa. I believe that there are successful families in all sizes.
I believe that there are a million ways to be a good mom, but none to be a
perfect one. I believe my friend’s child
needed her waffle cut. Mine did not. My kids are independent, hardworking and
learn service from the time they are very small. My oldest was thirteen months
old when his brother was born. At that age, he learned to bring me the wipes
and find his brother’s binky. Now he has the great privilege of taking care of
his younger brothers and sisters in addition to himself.
I learned as a young mother that doing everything for my
kids was much easier than teaching them to do it themselves. As we welcomed
more children to our family, I learned the opposite. Some people seem to think that children do not
get the love and attention they need when there are more kids to split mom’s
attention. My kids disagree. They know that mom’s love is boundless and only
added upon by the love they get from each other. We live in a circus, but we
always have fun.
Because I love this
life.
Yesterday, I was trying to get my house cleaned up for
guests. It made me a bit distracted. My three year old colored the stairs I had
just vacuumed with sidewalk chalk. My three littlest worked together to move
the contents of the spice cupboard to the oven. I did not know this when I
preheated it to make bread. I found two of my bathroom toilets clogged with an
entire roll of toilet paper each. Those are just the major things, I won’t
detail spilled cereal bowls or sticky fingerprints. After putting the babies to
bed, I sat down to watch a movie with my husband, which was interrupted half a
dozen times by my four year old who couldn’t sleep. When we finally stumbled, exhausted,
downstairs to bed, we found all five of our children who don’t sleep in cribs
passed out with their blankets on the floor of our room.
And do you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Motherhood is my masterpiece. It is my passion. It is the
greatest joy that I could ever imagine. It saps my brain, exhausts my body, and
denies me the things I once thought I loved. But I don’t think I’ve truly sacrificed
a thing. Giving up something good for something better is not a sacrifice. I
don’t care that my house isn’t clean. I don’t regret the lack of time for decorating
or vacationing. I don’t miss my teenage body or the great things I was once
sure I could do for the world. I believe there is nothing more important than
what I’m doing. I am convinced that success is measured in happiness. I couldn’t be more successful.
I have a billion kids because they make me happy.
