Unconditional Love

Essays on Love: Volume I

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I Love you Because…

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Unconditional Love: For Jesus, Babies  & Fools

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”
― Stephen Kendrick

Really? So there is absolutely no one among God’s children WORTHY of love? Blech. Let’s try again…

“They say you have to earn the right to be loved; no, love is unconditional, if you love someone, they don't have to earn it.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Hmmmmmm.  Now we are not capable of loving anyone worthy of love, but only those without redeeming value? Or perhaps love for whom a person chooses to be isn’t real love? That can’t be right. Shall we give it one more chance?

“Self-righteousness is much like a spiritual egocentricity. It constitutes a secular type of love that thrives under conditionality, one in which is only existent after an individual meets the adopted standards of the condemner; oppositely, unconditional love is a holy love.”
― Criss Jami, Salomé

Oh this one is my favorite! Loving someone because they have earned your love is evil. Unconditional love is pure. I see.  

Don’t get me wrong here. I absolutely believe in unconditional love. I believe it exists and it is necessary. I believe it is a beautiful thing. When you can look at another human being, covered in the filth of their own mistakes, reeking of cruelty and contempt, swimming in the bottomless pool of self-pity and think, “This is a child of God and I love him,” that’s truly amazing. If you can serve that individual and try to lift him above his circumstances, you have touched the charity born of Christ’s immoral sacrifice. That is something remarkable, beautiful and unquestionably laudable. 

If you can look at the mess the current regime has made of this country and still see the perpetrators as people you can love with a heart full of charity, you probably ought to be translated. 

Remember that Christ himself said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and then defined neighbor as everyone. But consider what that means, exactly. We should love ourselves regardless of our faults. We should love ourselves because of that deep and abiding connection with deity, that whispering in our very souls that tells us of our individual divine worth. And I suppose that is also the way we should love our neighbor. 

But I’m tired of the constant barrage of messages about how my love for my husband ought to be the pure, selfless, unconditional love I’ve been describing. THAT is how I try to love those around me. THAT is how I love my children. THAT is how I love my brothers and sisters. 

It is not how I love Nathan.

Nate is not perfect and, yes, I overlook his faults. But that overlooking is a sort of cost/benefit analysis, not “loving despite.” The faults are so much less than the benefits as to make them negligible. 

My wonderful Nathan, I love you for your intelligence and wit, your sense of humor, and your snarky political comments. I love you for the way you let the kitties sit on your shoulder and call the dogs “pupper pups.” I love you because you play games with our children and melt when you see the baby. I love you because you research various topics that have no potential for making you money. I love that learning is fun for you. I love you because you get frustrated with your job, but keep going anyway. I love your work ethic and sense of integrity. I love that you tip well and donate money to causes we believe in. I love your perspectives on current events, your random knowledge of history and the fact that you like to buy lunch for your coworkers. These are not the same reasons I fell in love with you in the first place. Those reasons have been expanded, added to and replaced. My love is not unselfish. You make me happy. I love that you love me. And I certainly hope that you don’t love me unconditionally. I hope your love is selfish and only there because I make you truly happy. I hope that I am worthy of your love. 

Pure love might be unconditional.
True love is earned.