The Words of People Much Smarter than Me: Motherhood

"After observing and empathizing with three generations of mothers and thinking of my own dear mother, I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

-M. Russell Ballard

Selfish Giving

Child: “Mom, my friends are going to the movies, can I have some money to go with?”

Mom: “Sure, Clean the garage and I’ll give you 20 dollars.”

Child: “That’s not fair. None of the other kids have to earn the money.”

Mom: “I guess I just love you more.”

My husband and I have been married for almost nine years. Last year, he graduated from medical school. This year, he started as a resident. During our marriage, we’ve been blessed with four amazing children. Needless to say, we’ve always been completely broke. I am so grateful that I didn’t start my family with money. I am grateful we were given our children at a time when it was a huge sacrifice to raise them.

Let me explain; when my first was born, I wanted everything for him. This was selflessness, right? I never complained about not having the money to buy things for myself. I only felt bad about our finances when I couldn’t give my son the things I wanted to. As he got older, and the others started showing up, I realized the absolute agony of the words, “I can’t buy that for you; we don’t have the money.” I hated telling my kids “no.” Of course, as time went by, I realized how quickly they got over it. It was only really hard on me.

People choose to give money away for many reasons. With my kids, it was because seeing them disappointed nearly killed me and seeing them excited made me feel so good. When I see beggars at street corners, I feel guilty and want to give to them to make myself feel better. At showers, I like to be seen giving a nice, cute or creative gift. Some people like to be seen giving so much that they publicize it in any way they can. Politicians are in this category. (although the money they give is not theirs.)

This, my friends, is why liberalism is so attractive. It’s why children who don’t really understand what’s at stake, love to argue for more giving. It feels good. It makes you appear selfless and moral. It makes you feel like you are a believer in the most beloved of all human tendencies: the desire to help others.

Lately, I’ve noticed something. Every time I tell my child, “no, we can’t afford it,” or “no, you don’t need it,” or (most especially) “I’ll give you the chance to earn it,” the guilt is a little less. It was because of my love, because of my desire for good, that I wanted to say, “yes.” But it is because I want the very best for my children that I have learned to say, “no.”

This last week my six-year-old and I were leaving a grocery store where there was a lottery-like promotion going on. We have spent a lot of time talking about work, he and I. (these discussions were a natural progression from my explaining to him why he had to earn the money he wanted to buy books from the catalogues they send home from school every month) We discussed what would happen to the world if people stopped working. We talked about how the work one person does, not only earns him money, but also makes it possible for others to earn money and have the things they need. We looked backward at the path of a loaf of bread from our home to the store, to the factory, to the farm. We discussed what would happen if the farmer, grocer, or truck driver was given money for free and how it would make it so the bread didn’t come to our dinner table. So, that day at the store, when he asked me if we had won the grocery store promotion, and I told him “no,” he said, “That’s good. We should work for what we get.” Suddenly, all the agony that had come with telling him “no” time after time was worth it.

Giving can be a purely selfish act. Choosing not to give can be a selfless act of love.

On that note, you should check out this article....Hilarious (in a sick, sad, sort of way).

Why leading works better than pushing

"Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. Help me find the way."

As a parent, we want well-behaved children, right? We want kids who listen to us and obey what we tell them. Isn’t that the goal of parenting? Isn’t that what people are complimenting when they observe how “good” a child is? The question I want to ask is whether or not it makes a difference HOW we achieve our goal. I believe it, absolutely, does.

I believe we were put on this Earth, among other things, to learn. So, why did God grant us agency? Why does he allow us to make our own mistakes and learn the natural law of choice and accountability on our own? Why doesn’t he FORCE obedience? I believe the answer to that explains the difference between a child who is well-behaved out of fear and a child who is well-behaved out of a sense of right and wrong.

Let’s take a look at the first scenario. This parent is a cruel, harsh disciplinarian. She monitors every single thing her child does and inflicts severe punishment whenever the child steers off course. But this doesn't happen very often, because obedience is forced to the extent that it can be. The child obeys the parent because he is afraid of the consequences of disobedience. There are two possible outcomes to this kind of behavior. The one the parent desires, whether she admits it or not, is that the child will learn blind conformity and complete dependence on the parent. The child will not be able to make his own decisions. He will not be able to lead his own life. He will look for someone to tell him what to do and blindly obey what he is told. The second outcome is the child begins to understand that the only reason to avoid bad choices is to avoid punishment. The choice is not bad, it is a desirable, forbidden fruit. A young child will begin to find ways to get what he wants by stealth. An older child will openly rebel against the parent for the injustice of the punishment. Are you beginning to see why this is not the course God chose for his children?

I believe that the reason free agency is so vital is because it teaches us to make correct choices through the natural laws of choice and accountability. There are kids out there who are well-behaved because they understand the inherent value of making good choices, not simply because they are afraid of parental punishment. A parent who explains to her child why certain behaviors are wrong, helps the child to learn right from wrong. Of course, in order to achieve this end, you have to let the child choose.

This is why I am so disturbed by the current increase in the nanny-state in this country.

Today I read an article that explained how a school district in Britain is going to track children by GPS in order to discourage “anti-social behavior.” Read it here. These kids will never learn to make good choices by being forced to them. The prospects of this are very scary to me. It’s even more scary to me how quickly this country is moving in that same direction.

Perhaps the reasons behind societal ills are not a lack of government control. Perhaps the excess of control is destroying a citizen's ability to learn and grow, just like a parent does when she forces a child's obedience. Consider that over regulation makes us want to find ways around laws and seek the forbidden fruits in an attempt to have a bit of that agency that God granted us and the government is taking away.

The words of people much smarter than me: Family

I loved this commercial. Sometimes we get so lost in the projects that we enjoy that we forget to spend time in the pursuits that are going to make the most difference. Anyone who reads my blog knows how I like to tell parents how important it is that they stay informed and continue to fight for America's freedom. But remember that the very most effective way to do that is to teach your children. Teach them about industry and hard work. Teach them about service and love. Most of all, teach them that their lives will be dictated by the choices they make. Teach them to be intelligent and empowered. Teach them to be everything they can because of their own divine worth.

Inciting Panic and Random Acts of Kindness

Once upon a time there was a scientist who had made some interesting calculations. He had predicted and imminent disaster and decided to warn the people to evacuate before it was too late. The government got wind of the ideas and forced him to stop sharing his conclusions. They had their own panel of experts who insisted there wouldn't be a disaster and worked to assure the people that all was well. They silenced the scientist because they didn't not want him inciting panic among the people. But the scientist was right, not the government.

I know what you're thinking...Jor-El, right? Nope! (Okay, I admit, the picture may have been slightly misleading.) Gotta love a government requiring people to remove their ideas from the internet. This story actually takes place in Italy, weeks before Sunday's disastrous earthquake. Check it out here.

Now, as I promised, here's the first in a serious of stories about how small things can make a big difference. This one's a bit long and I wrote it into a blog that includes many different stories about the joys of motherhood. When you have some time, it's kind of an amusing story. You can read it here.

She Gets It

"This is Chloe with a mad face."
-Chloe

I am extremely proud of my children. Everyone knows that, but mommy brag time usually doesn't fit with the theme of this blog. That's why I'm so thrilled today. I want to share with you an experience that happened yesterday. My husband had come home from the hospital early because he was scheduled for an overnight shift starting that evening. My two older boys were at school and the baby was in bed. So, my husband and I had the rare opportunity to sit down to lunch together, with just our daughter. Chloe is an amazing little girl. She's so different from her brothers and she's been a blessing in our lives since she was born in January of 2006. It happened that my husband had Glenn Beck playing when I called him for lunch. He left the radio program on in the background.

The show was nothing but a buzz in the background until it went to commercial. The animated voices and increase in volume caught our attention and we fell silent and listened to deep man's voice saying, "Sometimes bad things happen to good people."

A female voice cut in, sounding distressed, "I don't know how it happened. I only had a few drinks at dinner and then I was charged with a DUI."

As the male voice started explaining how a certain lawyer was going to rescue the poor woman, my husband intoned a sarcastic, "Ya," and I said, "I'm feeling the sympathy."

Chloe, my precious little three-year-old, had the look that cartoons get when a light bulb appears over their heads. Very seriously, she intoned, "Mommy," She paused, as if thinking hard about it and then continued, "When you make bad choices, bad things happen." My husband and I both turned to look at her, shocked by the totally appropriate comment coming from such a tiny voice. But she wasn't done. She continued, "And when you make good choices, good things happen."

Skeptics may point out that she was just parroting things her mother says to her. And she is. But here's the point: She understands what those words mean and was able to apply them to an appropriate situation. It is never too early to teach your children about the responsibility that comes with the God-given gift of free agency. I am a very proud mom. And my greatest ambition is that the next time she hears the commercial that says, "Are you over your head in credit card debt? Well, it's not your fault..." she will know it for the lie it is.

Of course bad things happen to good people. But even children can understand that it is our choices that determine our destiny. Understanding this principle is the only way to guarantee our personal freedom and the freedom of our precious children.

(To be fair...I should point out that I left my darling girl with her daddy while I went to pick up my oldest from school. When I came home, she was in my bedroom painting the mirror, door, and carpet with my foundation cream. While I was attempting to scrub the make-up out of the carpet, she ventured into the bathroom and emptied my diaper pail into the toilet. Understanding doesn't mean obeying...but we're making good progress!)

Moving Mountains...a little at a time

This may be the most important message I ever share on this blog. Yet, it is also the simplest. I read an article over the weekend that asked the question, “Is this the end of America?” It looked at the trend toward abandoning everything that this amazing country has ever stood for and wondered, unapologetically, if the culture and people have changed too much to rebound back toward a government rooted in the principles of individual liberty. I have also found that many of my family and friends are feeling hopeless at the rampant stupidity that seems to have been let loose among our citizenship. By this, I refer to the hoards of people, of late, who have been arguing that feeding, clothing, maintaining, employing, housing, educating, entertaining and justifying the individuals in this country is the responsibility of the government, without expecting any negative consequences at all. Without caring about the trade off of liberty.

I admit it’s scary. Worse, it feels very much like we’re being forced down this road by people who are the victims of the very mentality they are beginning to cling to. It’s a kind of perverse mental slavery that forces us to conclude that we cannot survive independently. We are victims of a society that holds us down, by no fault of our own. We are dependent on that same society for our very existence because we do not have the capability of fighting this discriminatory system. And those of us who know these ideas for the load of nonsense that they are, are starting to look the other way because we don’t have the strength to deal with it. We have families to take care of and we recognize that if we let ourselves become discouraged, we will be overstressed and unable to handle everything else we’re juggling. As a result, many people have just begun ignoring the world.

Last week, I explained to my husband what I had discovered about my friends. They weren’t uninterested in current events. They simply didn’t feel there was any need to focus on what they couldn’t change.

Well, I’m not going to argue that it’s possible for one person to change the course of history. What I am going to say is that small steps are the very best defense and optimism is the fuel that makes those steps possible. This is the reason I post stories of motherhood and how it relates to choice. There is no more powerful force in this country than parents. We can write our senators. We can vote on our principles. But the most important thing we can do is teach our children. Teach them that they are capable of anything. Teach them that work and faith build bridges. Teach them that they are not limited by the world they live in, but by the choices they make. Teach them to inspire, enable and assist. Make sure the message the upcoming generation hears is the antithesis of the garbage infesting the world. We must teach our children about freedom and about responsibility. And we must instill in them the love that we have for America.

For Me and You

As someone who graduated with a degree in public relations, I find myself always evaluating my communication. I tend to over explain almost everything, afraid that I am being unclear. That’s why I felt like I needed to define the purpose of this blog last week. Knowing what I want to say, I am wondering who I am trying to say it to. I am no political analyst. I don’t have the right to claim I’m much more knowledgeable than everyone else. My message is simple. It’s not divisive and I’m not trying to change minds or provoke a fight. You see, I don’t think I’m qualified to change the minds of people who have strong feelings. And I hate fighting.

So who am I writing to? Well, it turns out that most of the people I associate with are not well informed on the issues I am passionate about. When I state my feelings I am usually met with mild questions that reflect misinformation, if I am met with anything besides a blank stare. You see, we are not the state senators or the wealthy. We are not movie stars, liberal arts college students, or philosophers. We are the parents, church goers, and self supporters. And for most of us, our lives are also self-fulfilling. We are happy with the choices we have made. We are happy with our families. We are happy in our faith.

That means, very often, that understanding current events is simply not a priority. Our priorities are our jobs, our children and our churches. We don’t like the direction the country is headed right now, but we cannot be passionate about it because we need to remain positive to be the best support for those we love. We like to be informed, but we find ourselves studying the patterns of emergent literacy in young children or techniques for decluttering our closets instead of politics. You see, we are in control of teaching our kids to read and keeping our homes well-maintained. We vote, but the overall direction of the country feels completely out of our hands.

I am writing for us. For me, because expressing these things makes me feel empowered. It’s a sense of personal fulfillment that makes me a better mother. For everyone I care about, it’s because congress has just spent more that $13,000 dollars for each man, woman and child in this country. I believe, as John McCain stated, that, “…so far it's been pretty obvious that the stimulus package is an exercise in generational theft.” I want our children to be free. I hope parents will take time to try to understand these issues of fundamental liberty, so that our children will have the same freedom we enjoy.

We don't need anyone to take care of us

"Now, I'm principled against emancipating, in any case. Keep a negro under the care of a master, and he does well enough, and is respectable; but set them free, and they get lazy, and won't work, and take to drinking, and go all down to be mean, worthless fellows. I've seen it tried, hundreds of times. It's no favor to set them free."
- Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Ch. 29

That quote is lunacy; even the author's contemporaries saw her writing for the irony it held. But why, oh why, do so many of us think we still need someone to take care of us?

I have had a few people comment that they don’t understand my assertion that welfare creates the need for welfare. I want to briefly explain it in the way that makes the most sense to me.

As a mother, I have had the opportunity to learn a lot from watching the other mom’s around me. I have observed the different parenting techniques and been able to ascertain what seems to work and what doesn’t. The thing is that mom’s love to make threats. When you are in a situation where your child needs to obey you and he/she is refusing, it’s very common for a parent to say something like, “If you don’t put these toys away right now, I am going to throw them away.” Well, children like to push their limits. I think we all know the parent who makes the threats, but never follows through. I think we also all know the children that have learned to ignore their parent’s promise of consequence, because it never materializes.

The thing with government programs, is that they go a step further. The natural process of action and consequence says that if you do something stupid, there is a negative reaction. Government programs take away the natural negative consequence of bad decisions. And then, they give a reward for the bad behavior under the guise of “entitlement.” It goes something like this.

Mom: “Sweetheart, if you don’t show up to work, you will get fired and then you won’t have any money.”

Kid, “I overslept because I am so overstressed right now. My boss fired me”

Mom, “Oh, you poor thing, that boss is such a jerk. I will give you a few dollars to help you get through this tough time.”

The consequence disappears, but this mom never ends with that. She follows up with:

“It’s so unfair the situation you’re in. Bosses never like you. They don’t understand you. You have never been taught to be successful because you have never had a boss that appreciates you. It’s not your fault you can’t keep a job.”

Wait a minute! Who tells the kid that he’s incapable, mistreated and held down? How would the outcome be different if the mom had said: “I don’t want to hear an excuse from you. It’s your decision to succeed or fail. When you make good choices, good things happen. When you make bad choices, bad things happen.”

You see, the concept of self-sufficiency is dying. People want to be taken care of. This is why the government taking over charity is so scary. The government, as an entity, operates on a system of rules. If you qualify, you will always be able to receive the government charity. People begin to choose stay unmarried, because that sort of decision is rewarded. Single mom’s are victims who deserve welfare. People choose to work less hours. Harder workers are taxed more heavily. When the God-created system of natural consequences is messed with, and the system begins rewarding stupidity, stupidity will become acceptable and sought after.

I firmly believe in the Christian ideal of taking care of your neighbor. This means that I believe in charity. But there is a difference between a church’s giving and the government’s. The church can uphold the ideal of good choices by adapting to meet individual needs.

Mom: “Look, I’m going to help you because I love you, but if you don’t get another job by next week, you’re going to have to deal with the choices you made. And once you have that job, you will pay me back, so that you understand that you cannot get ahead by being lazy.”

The victim mentality has become so rampant in our society that people are undervaluing themselves and children are being held down by the belief that they are incapable. It was the government that told them that. I want my children to become everything they are capable of. That will never happen, however, as long as I am unwilling to teach them about choice and accountability. Charity out of love is the answer. Political charity is charity to gain power. It will always leave the receiver subservient. It will always create the need for more political charity.

Remember that my ultimate goal is always freedom and empowerment. I am not interested in promoting any agenda. I am not concerned with political parties: I am a registered independent. I have absolutely nothing to do with any organizations. I simply believe that freedom is a God-given gift. I believe that people are inherently good and can make extraordinary things happen. My purpose in writing this blog is to encourage individuals to make decisions that bring liberty and capability. I oppose all forms of slavery, even the politically correct ones.

'We don't own your laws; we don't own your country; we stand here as free, under God's sky, as you are; and, by the great God that made us, we'll fight for our liberty till we die.'" Chapter 17, pg. 194

Choice and Accountability

I’m a mother. Heavenly Father has blessed me with four amazing children. At first, this may seem a little off topic for my blog. But parents will understand how fundamentally liberty and parenthood are intertwined. Today, I want to share a few thoughts on the importance of teaching your children about freedom and its implications.

I like to say that I never “force” my children to do anything. I allow them to make their own choices and help them to understand that the consequences they face are a result of making bad or good choices. Once, I had another mother respond to this assertion rather angrily. She said, “Well, I’m not going to allow my son to hit his brother so that he can have freedom.” I can see how my parenting philosophy would initially seem very much like an absence of discipline. In hopes of helping other parents understand the importance of liberty, I want to explain this idea a little more.

There was a time, at my house, when I used to say “If you make good choices, good things happen” and, “If you make bad choices, bad things happen,” an awful lot. Now, I say, “If you make good choices…” and I’m immediately interrupted by at least one of my children responding, “Mommy, I already know that!” They have come to understand two very simple things: 1. They are free to make their own decisions and 2. The consequences of those decisions will follow naturally.

To those people who find this to be a disturbing lack of discipline, let me make one thing perfectly clear: I DID NOT GIVE THEM THEIR AGENCY. Ultimately, their ability to make decisions is a gift from God. The mother who objected to my methods cannot prevent her son from hitting his brother without tying him up or locking him in his room at all times as a preventative measure. Agency exists. As parents, we can handle its existence in one of two ways.

Here’s a scenario: Your older child sees the younger one with one of his toys. He walks over, takes the toy and pushes the other child down. You, now have two choices. You can fly off the handle, yell at the older child. Tell him that he can never, never hit his brother. In essence, you have just said with your actions and probably your words, “I will not allow you to do that.” Here, the child sees the parent restricting him. That makes the parent the “bad guy” in the child’s eyes.

There’s a second way to handle this fight. You can walk over to the older child and look at him, so he understands you’re trying to communicate something important. This may include taking him by the shoulders. Calmly, you say, “That is a bad choice. You made a bad choice by hitting your brother. When you make bad choices, bad things happen. Now you need to sit in time out.” Just by changing the wording a little bit, the choice becomes the “bad guy” and the punishment is a natural consequence, not mom being mean. When something like this happens, I put my child in time-out until he says he is ready to “make good choices” and then I explain that apologizing would be a good choice. If he refuses, I calmly explain, “That’s fine, that’s your choice. But you have to stay in time out until you are ready to make good choices.” My children get praised for apologizing. I tell them how proud I am of their good choices. This helps them see that good choices bring good things. It almost always works for my kids.

I further enforce it by immediately rewarding good behavior. For example, this morning, my son was playing his video game. I had told him that he had ten more minutes of play time before we got dressed for the day. My husband didn’t know about that and told my son to immediately clean his clothes up out of the bathroom. My son obeyed without complaint. When he returned, I explained to him that obeying his dad was a very good choice and I would start his 10 minutes of play time over because he had made a good decision.

We’ve been doing this for a long time. I always make sure my kids understand the consequences of their decisions and I always make certain they know that the choice to obey or disobey is theirs, but there will be a consequence (good or bad). Over time, tantrums have virtually disappeared. My children do sometimes disobey. But they are quicker to accept their punishment, because they do not feel they are being controlled. Their punishment was clearly explained to them when they chose to disobey. For example, there are never dessert tantrums anymore. My children may have dessert if they eat all their dinner. Otherwise, because they like sweets, they will fill up on them. We’ve reached the point where my son will stop eating in the middle of a meal. When he says he’s finished, I tell him “That’s okay, you should stop eating when you’re full. But, you won’t get dessert tonight because you can’t put sugar into your body when you haven’t eaten the good foods first.” For a while he would cry, but now he smiles and says, “Okay, mommy, I’m done.” The “punishment” is never a “punishment.” It’s a choice and he knows he’s in control.

So, why am I posting this on my blog which is concerned primarily with sharing the importance of liberty? It’s just this. So many of the people in this country seem to have never learned how choice and accountability work. They are like children who want to think of themselves as victims of circumstance, rather than dealing with the natural consequences of their actions. This feeling of being victimized is, in and of itself, a tyrant. And the ignorance that begets it is the ignorance of how natural consequences work. As I said earlier, I did not give my children agency. It exists because of our Heavenly Father. I didn’t invent the concept of good choices bringing good things and bad choices bringing bad. But I will help them to understand it. So, I want to say to every American: “When you make good choices, you are free; When you make bad choices, you enslave yourself.” It’s not just the children that need to come to understand this principle. There is no one holding you down or forcing you to live poorly. You will only be truly free when you choose to stop blaming and start acting.

Knowledge is Freedom

This blog is interested in the defeat of tyrants, who/whatever they may be. This often lends itself to political discussions. But, I think it’s important for all of us to realize that the worst tyrant of all is ignorance. Please permit me a moment of reflection.

This week my three year old little girl got very sick. The whole family was recovering from a seemingly never-ending upper respiratory illness. It’s been going on for almost two weeks with each of us spiking fevers at different times and working toward recovery. Nothing much has gotten done in my house lately. I wasn’t surprised when my little Chloe started fevering again last Saturday. We waited and watched. She didn’t seem to have any other symptoms besides the residual cough and she sometimes coughed herself to the point where she threw up.

I alternated Tylenol and ibuprofen for the fever. She was on a serious roller coaster, because she seemed to recover completely when the medicine kicked in. She stayed home from church on Sunday and I was starting to get seriously worried. On Monday my husband, a resident emergency medicine physician, commented, “It looks like a UTI, you should take her to the pediatrician.” It was the opening I was waiting for. You see, I try to be responsible. I know that there is nothing that anyone can do about the viral infection we’d all been dealing with. I know that irresponsibility with antibiotics is creating resistant strains and I didn’t want to take my daughter to the doctor to be told to go home and wait it out. But, I was afraid, and I was glad to have it legitimized by my husband.

I was able to do a walk-in appointment at my pediatrician. He did the same examination my husband does at home and told me he didn’t see any reason to suspect a bacterial infection. That is to say that the ears, throat and lungs looked good. I knew that. I told him that we suspected a UTI and he asked a whole series of questions like, “Does she have a history of urinary infections?” and “Does she complain about pain when she urinates.” As the questions went on, I began to feel a little dumb because I kept answering “no.”

The doctor said, “Playing the odds here, this is most likely a flu. But, UTI’s are serious and we need to rule it out, so we want to get a urine sample.” Chloe panicked at the idea of peeing in a cup. We gave her water and popsicles and sat in the doctor’s office for over an hour. She cried, refused bribes and stuck her bottom lip out as far as it would go. Finally the doctor gave me the sterile cup and told me that if I could get one, I should bring it back. He suggested I might have more luck if I waited until the next morning. I considered that since she seemed to have so much control over her bladder, it likely wasn’t a UTI anyway.

At home, Chloe stopped pottying all together, despite drinking constantly. She burst into tears whenever I suggested she consider the cup. I got creative and put plastic wrap under the toilet seat to try and catch some. She was too smart for that. That night, my temporal thermometer was reading 104. I changed the batteries. Still 104. I ran to Walgreens and bought a rectal thermometer: 105. I started freaking out. Luckily my husband was there to be the voice of reason. We gave Chloe Tylenol and ibuprofen. We fed her ice cream, gave her water, and kept her lightly dressed. Her fever dropped below a hundred before I put her to bed. But, neither of us slept.

Tuesday morning I bawled when she continued to refuse to potty. I got angry and yelled at my husband. I begged with her and made promises. We were both in tears when I collected half an ounce from the plastic wrap and ran to the doctor’s office. It took an agonizing half day before I got the answer. I called the doctor’s office and was told by a secretary that these tests take 2 days. I told her there was no way I was waiting two days. She told me the doctor was out of the office. The doctor, himself, called me back. The test was positive, he was calling in a prescription. I ran to the pharmacy. They didn’t have it yet. I went home and called the pharmacy. They couldn’t find the order. I called the doctor AGAIN. He told me who he had spoken to at the pharmacy. I called the pharmacy again. They had found it; it would be a half hour.

That night I held my three year old in my arms while she slept. I kept kissing her forehead, amazed at how cold it felt. Had I forgotten what non-feverish skin felt like? I was completely overwhelmed by the situation. She’d only had one dose of the Augmentin.

Thoughts whirred through my head. I remembered my baby girl as a two-month-old with a fever. Of course, I had rushed her to the pediatrician, who had rushed her to the hospital. She had pneumonia. We were given antibiotics and sent home. Within a day, it was like the whole thing had never happened. Penicillin was discovered in 1928, within my grandparents’ lifetimes. Would my baby have even survived two months without them? What would have happened this time if she had? What if we didn’t have immunizations? How many of my four beautiful children would have suffered from debilitating childhood illness?

I realized, again, the power of knowledge. As I am writing this, Chloe is acting completely normal. She will take the medicine for the next 9 days, but she is no longer lying listless, barely able to move. She’s laughing and jumping. It’s been 15 hours since I got her medicine.

This is getting reflective, but it’s something I want to share, because (although nothing could be bigger to me), it speaks to a much bigger point in its implications. This circumstance is really an excellent parable for what I am trying to communicate on this blog. Knowledge is power. It is power because it is freedom. It is our obligation to be informed as parents, as citizens, and as children of God. The slavery that comes from ignorance isn’t just disease. The choices we make either lead to freedom or enslavement and the ONLY way to insure that we remain free is to become informed before we make those choices. I truly believe that is why God gave us agency. He wants us to learn and to grow. He wants us to be free. I can understand him wanting that for his children. I want it for mine.

To all the people I love:

I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I appreciate all you do and I am thankful to Heavenly Father for the chance I be had to be a part of your life. Of course, I loved you yesterday and I will love you tomorrow. But yesterday I was doing laundry and dishes and tomorrow I’ll be buying groceries. It’s not that I don’t want you to know that I love you every day. I am grateful to have a day set aside to remember and celebrate all the people I love.

I feel like I have been surrounded by a barrage of people telling me what a horrible, commercialized holiday Valentine’s Day is. Ironically, the most frequently cited argument for this contention is that we should show our love everyday, not just on holidays. It seems like the people who feel this way ought to love Valentine’s Day the most. After all, it’s the people who think about Jesus everyday that love to celebrate his birth at Christmas. I pray in gratitude every night for my beautiful children. That is why I am so glad they have a birthday once a year where I can set aside the everyday struggles and simply celebrate their births. I am disturbed by all the people who think being ornery and feeling pestered by a holiday meant to honor the people we love is a better expression of love then being excited at the opportunity to set aside the mundane. I was even more disturbed to open up foxnews.com this morning and find a story about why everyone hates this holiday. Valentine’s Day is not about flowers and chocolates. Think about it as an opportunity to reflect on all the people who wish they had someone to celebrate with, rather than feeling bothered that you’re expected to say “I love you.” Remember how lucky and blessed you are to have love. And remember, as always, that I love you.


Happy Valentine’s Day,


Amy

Ignorance and Autism

I have always thought the title of my blog, "Tyrants are but the spawn of ignorance, begotten by the slaves they trample on," had many different applications. One of these is that people often become slaves to ideas that simply aren't true because they do not or cannot find out the truth.

My sister has a beautiful little boy with autism. I cannot begin to explain the struggle she went through before she had a diagnosis or the heartache she's had to endure since. But she said something very interesting to me once when we were discussing the autism/vaccination link. She said, "I really don't understand all the details of the arguments. What I do know is that I can't let myself make decisions concerning my children based on fear and that's what all the hype is." Her children have all received their vaccinations on schedule. You see, fear is probably the worst tyrant of all and it's nemesis is education.

Today, there was a great victory for freedom from fear. A federal court ruled that autism is not caused by vaccinations and that parents of autistic children cannot claim money set aside for those who have had serious reactions to vaccines. And since I believe that knowledge is what eliminates fear, I want to share a few fact on this matter.

The original scare came in 1998 when a study was released analyzing 12 children. The study claimed that the MMR shot was to blame for the rising rates of diagnosed Autism. The study has never been duplicated, despite multiple tries. 10 of the 13 authors of the study has since recanted their findings, citing problems with the science or sample.

When I asked my husband what he had learned in medical school, he said this, "There is no link. There has not been one study that conclusively proves a cause effect link." Oh sure, there are studies that claim that they found children who developed autism after receiving the MMR. But I once read a study that proves that the fall in the level of the Great Salt Lake causes more crime. It was proven by association. Of course, a logical person would see that the warmer weather caused both the change in the lake and the change in crime. The studies linking autism to MMR are similar in their logic. In fact, the information in favor of a link comes from self-reporting studies. In other words, the parents of the children talked about the changes their child underwent after receiving their immunizations. Sadly, at least one survey has shown that the same parents reported different results before and after the media hype about the supposed link. I don't think they meant to change their stories. I just think that they were subconsciously effected by the coverage.

"A worrying feature of this study, revealed by detailed review of the case records, was that in 13 children the history given by parents had changed after publicity about MMR vaccine and autism. Before the publicity the parents often reported concerns early in their children’s life, usually before the first birthday; the current history for the same children recorded symptoms as developing only after MMR vaccination, in some cases shortly after"

Yes, children are diagnosed with autism after they have their immunizations, however, there is no clustering in symptoms. In other words, the children are just as likely to begin exhibiting symptoms of autism after their immunizations as at any other time during early childhood. There are plenty of studies that show the number of children diagnosed with the disease is actually lower in immunized populations. That doesn't prove anything either. But more telling, is a recent study done in Japan after they banned the MMR shot. Autism rates continued rising, despite that. Here's the article: http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7076

It's certainly indisputable that autism is on the rise, although several studies accredit this increase to increased awareness and diagnosis rather than an actual increase in cases. But the accepted research has not found any reason to think that there is a link between having your child immunized and autism. Those people who believe that there is a link frequently complain that the government is part of some conspiracy to keep it quiet. That's why it's nice to hear it from someone who has nothing to gain by sharing the info.

When you choose not to immunize, you choose to put your child and those around him/her at risk. So, are you going to base you choice on fear or on facts. I adore my autistic nephews. They are a gift from God and there is no reason to find blame for their conditions.

Sometimes the government does something right. Today's ruling is a step toward liberty by being a step away from fear. Top scientists declared it a "victory for science." I am declaring it a victory for freedom.

On a personal note, please visit my nephew's blog: http://gavinrausch.blogspot.com/ . It means a lot to my sister when people take the time to comment.

Saving the Earth

Today is Sunday, so you'll have to forgive me for being a little more philosophical than usual. I don't usually take the time to write on Sunday, but I read something this morning that made me need to share a few thoughts.

As the mother of four amazing children, I have, on occasion, faced some people who think that I am trying to destroy the world. The most frequent opposition to my family is the argument that the education system should not be over burdened by my desire to have kids. I brush these naive arguments off. I know these people will stop their griping the minute they realize that it's my children who are providing their social security.

But this morning, I read an article that gives voice to Jonathon Porritt, who chairs the British government’s Sustainable Development Commission. This man wants to save the Earth and he believes that he can do it by proving to the rest of the world that it is irresponsible to have more than two children (ironically, the number that he has). He states, as proof of this problem, “We still have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in Europe and we still have relatively high levels of pregnancies going to birth, often among women who are not convinced they want to become mothers."

WHAT?

Now listen, I am not making a secret of how I feel about abortion. I cannot be happy about the mass genocide of unborn children because I believe that children are the greatest of God's gifts. But, pro-choice vs pro-life isn't even in it here. This is not someone saying that women should have the right to choose about abortion. This is someone arguing that abortion is a moral obligation and that it is, in fact, "irresponsible" to carry a child to term.

Why? Because of global warming. Yes, we must wipe out the children in order to save the children. Here is the real problem I have with this entire issue. It seems to always be those who have no religious footing that want so desperately to SAVE the planet for future generations. LET'S BE QUITE CLEAR ON THIS ARGUMENT. Life on this planet is an accident. It climbed out of the slime and progressed over billions of years through a series of genetic mutations (aka: more accidents). There is no divine purpose, no life after death, and nothing special about humans. We must consider ourselves equal with the mosquitoes, because they have the same right to be here that we do. Of course, that means no right at all. It's simply coincidence. BUT, in a few million years we may have, though our irresponsibility, used up this Earth's resources and caused a disaster for the planet. Life may, in fact, be utterly wiped away. This, of course, would leave us right back where we stared. And, I must say, "Who cares?" There was nothing divine about that life we destroyed anyway!

Okay...count to 10...Let me tell you what I know. I know that we are Children of God. As such, we have a divine purpose and an eternal destiny. We should be good stewards of the world we have been given precisely for this reason. But, killing, devaluing, or simply detesting children is the FARTHEST thing from a solution. Be grateful, Mr. Porritt, that there are those of us who value our children so much that we are willing to sacrifice careers, money, trips and other luxuries to raise them and teach them of their divine worth. Be glad that we aren't all teaching our children that the human race has no inherit worth. Be glad, because the values that I am trying to instill in my beautiful children are the ones that will make this world livable for yours.

The Battle Continues

Yesterday my five-year-old came home from kindergarten with a sticker on that read, “I voted.” I smiled at him and asked if he voted in school today. He looked down at the floor and immediately his breathing changed. He gasped and tears started running down his cheeks which he tried to brush away, embarrassed. He said, “I voted for John McCain, but everyone else voted for Barak Obama.” By the end, his tears were coming too hot and fast to brush away and my heart sank as far as it possibly could. This was definitely not something wanted my little boy stressing over. I faked a smile and told him that it was okay and he didn’t need to be sad about it. He looked up at me with extremely intense little eyes and said, almost without more tears, “But Marcos voted for Barack Obama too and, and…” the tears flowed freely once again, “Barak Obama won.”


I started to see the overwhelming complexity of the dilemma facing my little one. I knew how much he loved his friend Marcos. I also knew how much he loved his parents, who had made it clear that we believed in freedom and could, thus, not support the Democratic nominee. He had voted knowing he was making the right choice. But had he expected that the reason a choice was right was because it was the winning choice? Had he been confident, because of his parents, that his candidate would win and felt completely betrayed that he hadn’t? I knew I was facing a very delicate situation. I could not say anything derogatory about the choice his friends had made. Apparently he was already being shunned and mocked at school for standing up and being different. On the other hand, I had to make it clear that the choice he had made was right, despite being unpopular. It was all only a microcosm for the feelings I would inevitably face later in the day as the results of the National election were announced.


The crux of the message I gave Ryan must be said again, for everyone that made the right, if unpopular, choice yesterday. I believe deeply that freedom is not just a social construct or a result of our culture. Freedom is a moral issue. My belief in God makes it one. If we were created by an all-powerful Heavenly Father, then it is absolutely clear that the most primary of his gifts to us is our free agency. He does not dictate our lives. He only gives us correct council which is ours to accept or reject. The trouble is that when we reject the correct way, we always end up losing, by our own design, that free agency we were given. Take, for example, the individual who chooses to become a slave to drugs, alcohol or tobacco. Of course, she never considers the slavery she is subjecting herself to and probably remains convinced that she is still free, long after the war has been lost. I have a very intuitive friend who once told me that “everything evil is addictive.” I think that is a very profound statement.


But in the sense of government, the tradeoff is even more obvious. When you decide to ask the government for more services or money, you are inherently surrendering some of your individual agency in exchange. This principle is painfully clear in the school system where I live. They provide free preschool here, but you cannot take your child out of school without meeting their rules. (death in the family, hospitalization, or illness) If you do, or neglect to provide proof of your child’s illness, they will take you to court. I am not kidding. According to this state, I am not even qualified to decide if my own son is too sick to attend school. I have to visit a doctor for the simplest viral illness. And yet people continue to willingly surrender their rights, even the right to parent their own children, to the government.


This is all a little advanced for a five-year-old. But I desperately wanted my son to understand. So, I explained to him that we have the right to choose and when we make good choices, good things happen and when we make bad choices, bad things happen. I told him that it was okay that his friends made a different choice than him because they have the right to choose too, and we must never deny them that right. I couldn’t explain to him that free agency never only affects you, however. I couldn’t tell him how a family may be destroyed by a parent’s decision to take drugs or how a country could be destroyed by the choices of some when the right choice is unpopular. He’s too small to really understand that.


Luckily, my son taught me something as well. I wanted him to understand that we needed to continue pushing forward and standing up for our free agency even when it is not popular. I wanted him to understand that we can be happy no matter the circumstances brought about by others' choices. I wanted him to understand that his friendships should not be sacrificed because of a difference of opinion and that he should continue to love those around him, no matter what choices they made. In telling him these concepts, I also told them to myself.


Sometimes I feel like this country is floating so far away from the liberty on which it was founded that hope for freedom is winking out. I am afraid as the government grows bigger and my choices grow smaller. But my son’s elementary school election taught me that my family will pick up and move on. I will continue fight for the cause of freedom in my choices, even the freedom of those whose choices would hurt me. I will do it because it is right. Throughout history, this cause has often been unpopular and frequently seemed completely lost. It is not.


This morning I dressed my son in his American flag t-shirt and sent him back to the battleground. To those of us still fighting, remember that before the ballots are all counted, there are still 55,729,124 of us on the side of freedom. Many of us didn’t support John McCain in the primary, but we didn’t give up, because our cause is just. There are still right choices to be made. Our God-given agency is not gone.