Why leading works better than pushing

"Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. Help me find the way."

As a parent, we want well-behaved children, right? We want kids who listen to us and obey what we tell them. Isn’t that the goal of parenting? Isn’t that what people are complimenting when they observe how “good” a child is? The question I want to ask is whether or not it makes a difference HOW we achieve our goal. I believe it, absolutely, does.

I believe we were put on this Earth, among other things, to learn. So, why did God grant us agency? Why does he allow us to make our own mistakes and learn the natural law of choice and accountability on our own? Why doesn’t he FORCE obedience? I believe the answer to that explains the difference between a child who is well-behaved out of fear and a child who is well-behaved out of a sense of right and wrong.

Let’s take a look at the first scenario. This parent is a cruel, harsh disciplinarian. She monitors every single thing her child does and inflicts severe punishment whenever the child steers off course. But this doesn't happen very often, because obedience is forced to the extent that it can be. The child obeys the parent because he is afraid of the consequences of disobedience. There are two possible outcomes to this kind of behavior. The one the parent desires, whether she admits it or not, is that the child will learn blind conformity and complete dependence on the parent. The child will not be able to make his own decisions. He will not be able to lead his own life. He will look for someone to tell him what to do and blindly obey what he is told. The second outcome is the child begins to understand that the only reason to avoid bad choices is to avoid punishment. The choice is not bad, it is a desirable, forbidden fruit. A young child will begin to find ways to get what he wants by stealth. An older child will openly rebel against the parent for the injustice of the punishment. Are you beginning to see why this is not the course God chose for his children?

I believe that the reason free agency is so vital is because it teaches us to make correct choices through the natural laws of choice and accountability. There are kids out there who are well-behaved because they understand the inherent value of making good choices, not simply because they are afraid of parental punishment. A parent who explains to her child why certain behaviors are wrong, helps the child to learn right from wrong. Of course, in order to achieve this end, you have to let the child choose.

This is why I am so disturbed by the current increase in the nanny-state in this country.

Today I read an article that explained how a school district in Britain is going to track children by GPS in order to discourage “anti-social behavior.” Read it here. These kids will never learn to make good choices by being forced to them. The prospects of this are very scary to me. It’s even more scary to me how quickly this country is moving in that same direction.

Perhaps the reasons behind societal ills are not a lack of government control. Perhaps the excess of control is destroying a citizen's ability to learn and grow, just like a parent does when she forces a child's obedience. Consider that over regulation makes us want to find ways around laws and seek the forbidden fruits in an attempt to have a bit of that agency that God granted us and the government is taking away.