Community Teeth

It's a little off subject, but it needs saying...

A few months ago my husband came home from work and told me a story. One of his coworkers had been on this blog. I guess he must have found it very interesting because, rather than any thoughts on the content, he said to Nate, “Did you know that you’re not mentioned anywhere on there?” The answer is, of course, he didn’t. Neither did he care. Nate never reads my writing. I think he’s afraid he won’t like it and have to answer when I ask him his thoughts.

Still, I found it curious that other people would notice how conspicuously absent Nate is from the things that I write. I decided it’s time to change this trend. I don’t want there to be any ambiguity about how much I appreciate and adore my husband.

This month has been rather trying. I have lost my last two grandparents, everyone in my family has been sick, and I noticed a rather unpleasant lump on my gums above a tooth which has already had a root canal, a crown and dental surgery. Through it all, there has been my wonderful husband.

The internet said the gum lump was an abscess and my husband insisted that I go to the dentist immediately. The dentist confirmed the e-diagnosis and explained that I would either have to have the tooth extracted and a bridge put in, or the dental surgery would need to be repeated. He referred me to an endodontist. What does this mean to me? A lot of money.

What was Nate’s reaction? He smiled pityingly and nodded. He had been expecting it, but he was not upset. Our financial situation is not currently ideal. I admit that a part of me wanted to feel less than blessed at this expense showing up right now. It feels like we've had one unexpected expense after another. I also admit that I was concerned about my husband’s feelings on the matter. If you know Nate, you know that he wouldn’t get angry; it’s not his style. But I was worried he would see my teeth as a source of stress, as I did. He would never say that I was causing him stress. But I knew that I would be hurt when I saw that he was upset by a problem that was uniquely mine. Only, he didn’t get upset. He took the news like he would have if I had announced that we were having chicken for dinner. I felt profoundly grateful.

I tried to explain to Nate why his casualness meant so much to me. I wasn’t any better at explaining it to him than I have been at explaining it to you. I told him, “thanks for not making me feel like a liability.” He looked confused and responded, “You’re not a liability.” It was clear that he didn’t see what I was thanking him for. I didn’t know how to better explain it.

Today, Nate came home from work wearing an almost giddy smile. He declared that he was going to be able to work a few of his days off next month. In a very excited tone, he said, “It’ll be an extra thousand dollars. That will pay for your tooth.” I can’t describe what I felt when I saw my husband obviously thrilled about the opportunity to work even more hours for the privilege of, again, flushing a lot of money into my mouth.

It was finally clear to me why he hadn’t understood my concerns. He had never seen my bad teeth as a failing from me, the way I did. Instead, he saw his lack of being able to pay for something I needed as a failing on his part. I had expected him to wonder why I was asking so much of him. Instead, he took great pleasure in finding a way to support me. He didn’t see all the things he could have bought with the money that would now be wasted-at all. Strange.

I don’t know why the world has become such a selfish place. I suspect that the attitude of “her problems” and “his problems” is the primary reason behind the skyrocketing divorce rate. I have just realized that I am in a relationship where my teeth aren’t even mine. They are ours. Perhaps community teeth are the secret to a forever marriage. One thing is for certain, most of society's ills wouldn't even exist if there were more men of integrity around- more men like Nate.

So, today I am addressing the fact that I have not previously talked about my husband. I am posting here, for anyone in the world with internet access to read, that I am madly in love with the man I married 10 years ago. I will be forever grateful that he is mine.